Self-talk, the practice of talking to oneself either out loud or internally, is a common and natural behavior. According to Tom Brinthaupt, PhD, a self-talk researcher and psychology professor, self-talk begins in childhood during play and gradually transitions into internal dialogue as we grow older.
Experts suggest that self-talk helps with self-regulation, goal-setting, and emotional monitoring, although the exact reasons are not fully understood. Research indicates that socially isolating situations, such as living alone or quarantining, can increase the frequency of self-talk.
Interestingly, observing others talking to themselves can foster a sense of connection and empathy. Studies involving robots programmed to engage in self-talk show that people feel more comfortable around these robots, suggesting that self-talk may play a role in social bonding.
Brinthaupt and his research team have identified four common categories of self-talk:
Self-Management: Using self-talk to organize and manage daily tasks. Examples include:
“What do I need to do today?”
“What time is my first meeting?”
“Should I reach out to IT?”
Social Assessment: Replaying past conversations or rehearsing future ones. This type helps process events and prepare for social interactions, and is more common in people with social anxiety.
Self-Reinforcement: Positive self-talk that includes affirmations like:
“Good job.”
“That worked well.”
“I’m glad I said that.”
Self-Criticism: Judgmental self-talk characterized by negative statements such as:
Researchers are also exploring how the use of first, second, or third person in self-talk affects individuals. Brinthaupt speculates that perfectionists might use second person more frequently (e.g., “You shouldn’t have done that”), reflecting an internal authoritative voice.
While all types of self-talk have their value, minimizing self-criticism is crucial for mental well-being. Charlynn Ruan, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, suggests a three-step process to reduce self-critical thoughts: become aware, reframe, and repeat.
Become Self-Aware: Recognizing your thoughts is the first step to changing them. For example, instead of unconsciously thinking, “Ugh, I’m so clumsy,” pause to notice this reaction. Journaling and meditation can help increase self-awareness.
Reframe Your Thoughts: Replace critical thoughts with more compassionate and neutral statements. For example, change “I’m so clumsy” to “I’m human, and sometimes I spill things.”
Repeat the Process: Changing deeply ingrained self-critical thoughts takes time and effort. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you work to rewire these neural pathways.
Understanding and managing self-talk can improve self-regulation, emotional health, and social connections. By becoming aware of the types and patterns of self-talk, individuals can foster a more positive and supportive internal dialogue.
