Experiencing feelings of avoidance, resistance, and fear is a natural part of the grief process. Loss triggers stress and activates our fight-or-flight response. However, fighting or fleeing from grief can leave you feeling exhausted and still in pain.
Loss often evokes a sense of danger, making the world feel unsafe. This perceived threat leads to avoidance behaviors as we try to protect ourselves. Cultural pressures to return to normalcy can also push us to avoid our grief, even when it's essential to confront it.
Signs of Avoiding Grief:
Denying Feelings: Blocking out or restraining emotions.
Withdrawing: Avoiding places, people, and situations that trigger memories.
Pretending to Be Fine: Convincing yourself or others that you're coping better than you are.
Prolonged Distraction: Engaging in continuous activities to avoid feelings.
Procrastination: Putting off tasks that require engagement with grief.
Substance Use: Using mind-altering substances to dissociate from grief, which leads to more anxiety and life disruption.
Instead of avoiding grief, try the following strategies:
Taking Breaks: Engage with your grief in manageable doses. Short distractions like hobbies or light work are beneficial.
Scheduling Time to Grieve: Set aside intentional time for activities that help you process grief, such as journaling or talking with a therapist.
Seeking Support: Enlist a professional, friend, or family member for comfort and support.
Asking for Help: Get assistance with daunting tasks like sorting through belongings or managing financial matters.
Seeking Treatment: Find help for substance abuse or other addictions that hinder your grief process.
It's normal to want to avoid the intense emotions that grief brings. Anxiety and fear are typical reactions. However, it's important to face these emotions to heal. No one cries forever, and support is always available. Remember, the only way out is through.
Reflect: Make a list of ways you might be avoiding grief and replace these tactics with healthier coping strategies.
Grieving doesn’t mean losing your sense of humor. Laughter is a natural and healthy response, even during grief. It serves as both a coping tool and a defense mechanism.
Laughing doesn’t negate the multitude of other emotions you’re experiencing. It's normal to feel deep sadness and still find things to laugh about. While others may be surprised to see you joking, only you understand your full grief experience.
Healing Power of Laughter:
Physical Benefits: Lowers cortisol levels, releases endorphins and dopamine, decreases stress and anxiety, and promotes relaxation.
Emotional Benefits: Provides respite from intense emotions, helps put things in perspective, and strengthens bonds with friends and family.
If you’re not inclined to laugh during grief, that’s okay too. In time, you may find it comforting to recall funny memories and enjoy humorous stories about your loved one.
Reflect: Consider the role of laughter in your grief process. Reflect on times when laughter has provided relief and think about ways to incorporate more humor into your life.
